Coming to the other side...

For a long time now, I have been feeling the intense desert sun as it has been glaring down and everything around me has been withering and wilting. My mind has been trapped in a desert storm caught in a violent stream of questions without clear answers. Doubt and uncertainty have been clouding my vision and burning my eyes - sharp and edgy, like the sand that never settles. Everything that I was certain of and cared for has been slipping through my fingers. Hope had been the mirage that every desert traveler is familiar with - the impossible longing before your eyes and tempting your soul. Emptying my mind was becoming a challenge surrounded by questions, deadlines, to-do lists, doubts and plans. And interestingly, I've managed to carry through.

Through gut wrenching moments when even breathing felt like a task to avoid. Yes, I've wanted to just run away from it all and not known where to go. But I've gotten up and moved on, repeating in my head, over and over, what someone once told me - "shit happens! You just have to live through it!" And I have lived through it and today it feels like I've come to the other side.  Not because the problems are over, but because, I learnt to look beyond them. It's the side where you don't expect and so things don't disappoint. The side where you are prepared so nothing catches you by surprise. The side where you know you will live through - whether you want it or not. It is a good place to be when you are prepared for the worst because even the smallest of things can make you smile. 

All that was needed was one good day. One beautiful sunset. One good discussion. One unexpected recognition, one good laugh and one chocolate on a stick.... And life was better. Like the clouds on a desert parched of rain - they did nothing more than shielding me from the glare. It feels cooler already and I can only imagine how it will be when it finally rains.

I am grateful to the randomness in life that made this day better and to the sunset that helped me pause and find that lost sense of awe and wonder....   

I can smell the rain again... :)