For a long time now, I have been feeling
the intense desert sun as it has been glaring down and everything
around me has been withering and wilting. My mind has been trapped in a
desert storm caught in a violent stream of questions without clear
answers. Doubt and uncertainty have been clouding my vision and burning
my eyes - sharp and edgy, like the sand that never settles. Everything that I was certain of and cared
for has been slipping through my fingers. Hope had been the mirage that
every desert traveler is familiar with - the impossible longing before
your eyes and tempting your soul. Emptying my mind was becoming a
challenge surrounded by questions, deadlines, to-do lists, doubts and
plans. And interestingly, I've managed to carry through.
Through
gut wrenching moments when even breathing felt like a task to avoid.
Yes, I've wanted to just run away from it all and not known where to
go. But
I've gotten up and moved on, repeating in my head, over and over, what
someone once told me - "shit happens! You just have to live through it!"
And I have lived through it and today it feels like I've come to the
other side. Not because the problems are over, but because, I learnt to
look beyond them. It's the side where you don't expect and so things
don't
disappoint. The side where you are prepared so nothing catches you by
surprise. The side where you know you will live through - whether you
want it or not. It is a
good place to be when you are prepared for the worst because even the
smallest of things can make you smile.
All that was needed was one good
day. One beautiful sunset. One good discussion. One unexpected
recognition, one good laugh and one chocolate on a stick.... And
life was better. Like the clouds on a desert parched of rain - they did
nothing more than shielding me from the glare. It feels cooler
already and I can only imagine how it will be when it finally rains.
I am grateful to the randomness in life that made this day better and to the
sunset that helped me pause and find that lost sense of awe and wonder....
I can smell the rain again... :)
