New beginnings...

A few lines from Tony Hoagland's poem

A color of the sky that speak to me on this day of spring...
What I thought was an end
turned out to be a middle.
What I thought was a brick wall
turned out to be a tunnel.
What I thought was an injustice
turned out to be a color of the sky.
Outside the youth center,
between the liquor store
and the police station,
a little dogwood tree is losing its mind;
like a sudsy mug of beer;
like a bride ripping off her clothes,
dropping snow white petals to the ground in clouds,
so Nature’s wastefulness seems quietly obscene.
It’s been doing that all week making beauty,
and throwing it away...

Walking on clouds...

As I look back at the past few months, all I see is the frantic flapping to try and fit in as many things as I can into my 24 hour schedule, to do as much as I can, to learn as much as I can and suddenly, I see myself reduced to a list of projects and to-do lists. Sometimes, there is so much going on that I lose track of how much is done and how much needs to be done; how much I have gained and how much I have lost.

And then yesterday, I had to stop. I let myself be tired and over whelmed and let the day fly by me. After all, the running was only warping my perspective. It took a good book and a brilliant narration of it to somehow make me find my old self - the quiet self who would smile and cry with a narrative, who would only need a book and a coffee to lose herself. It took me a whole day to rise above the concerns of experiments, tickets, deadlines and bookings and to see life for what it was and what it can be - bigger than the sum of it all.

Every now and then, one must stop and do nothing - because it is then that the mind finds its own voice which is otherwise drowning in that bustle of activity, that never-ending anxiety and that frantic attempt at doing everything. 

And that's when you notice that you are walking on the clouds... 

The rock...

Welcome to Alcatraz...

Its the legendary "Rock" - the island prison where the most dangerous of the inmates were kept. Where the prisoners were forced to build their own prisons. Where escape was an impossible dream that a few still dared to attempt.

We visited the old legendary prison on a recent trip to the bay area and it was a rushed visit squeezed in between the ferry timings, the weather and evening departure. But despite the briefness of the visit, the prison left an impact - not merely because of its popularity with the movies or because of its legendary status but because it felt like the worst form of incarceration. To be kept in the tiny cell in the shadow of a bustling city, to breathe the ocean air, to see the world outside your window and to not be a part of it. To be forced to build your own prison, to be held captive as the tides came in at night at left you shivering and praying for death, to be left open to the mercy of the elements - no wonder the inmates were ready to risk anything to escape. Coming to think of it, this was not even my first visit to an island prison. I have visited the Andaman islands and the famous prison there in but that despite its notoriety, did not feel so cruel. Because it seemed easier to lose yourself into the prison life, to build a new world and to make peace with it- simply because it was so isolated from the life outside. But with Alcatraz, the world was right outside, reminding you day after day, of all the wonderful things that you are being  deprived of.

The only consolation to justify this cruelty was that the inmates held there were also the ones indicted for the most heinous of crimes and so perhaps - they truly deserved it. Every piece of history however needs to viewed with the lens of the times gone by, with the social mores, priorities and pressures that existed.  It certainly is thought provoking to listen to the stories, to hear the escapades, the blood and gore, the violence and the adventure - all within the walls of this island prison. But it requires a lot more information for me to come to a clearer picture of the prison, the crimes and the inmates. It certainly was an interesting experience.